


Because Richie

by obviouslyelementary



Series: Reddie Stories [7]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Eddie Kaspbrak Lives, Flashbacks, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Period-Typical Homophobia, Post-Canon, Romance, alternate last scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-26 04:09:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20736005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obviouslyelementary/pseuds/obviouslyelementary
Summary: "I love you.""... what?""I love you."Eddie wasn't expecting that. He was expecting a joke or some stupid comment about the shitty school club he had applied to, or something about how they were the only two left of the group that hadn't just yet moved on.Instead, he got the complete opposite.





	Because Richie

_"I love you."_

_"... what?"_

_"I love you."_

_Eddie wasn't expecting that. He was expecting a joke or some stupid comment about the shitty school club he had applied to, or something about how they were the only two left of the group that hadn't just yet moved on. _

_Instead, he got the complete opposite._

_Richie wasn't looking at him. They were sitting by the quarry, all the way up, dressed still, not willing to jump into the water. It wasn't a warm day, like the rest of the summer. It was cold, the breeze was strong, and nothing sounded worst than jumping in. And Richie? He was holding his legs pressed against his chest, staring off into the woods around them, silent and serious, like nothing Eddie had seen before. _

_Saying things Eddie had never thought he would say before. _

_"I... love you too man" Eddie said, awkwardly, because he didn't like serious Richie. He didn’t like his silence or having his eyes unfocused like they were at that moment. He didn't like when Richie sobered up, because it felt like the whole world would come crashing down on him and Eddie could do nothing but watch. _

_He poked Richie on the side, trying to get him to cheer up, but the boy let out a sigh that weighted on Eddie's own heart. _

_"No" Richie said, shaking his head and laying it on his knees. He wasn't looking at Eddie. He was avoiding him completely. "Not like that."_

_Eddie felt like someone had made a knot in his throat, that they were shaking his stomach up and turning it all around. He felt sick, nervous sick, anxious sick, and he reached down to touch his fannypack, avoiding taking anything out of it just yet. He was stronger than that, he knew it now. But Richie was making him doubt pretty much everything he knew. _

_"What do you mean Richie? We are cool right? We are friends..." he tried, and finally Richie looked at him. He turned his face, lips pressed in a thin line, eyes behind his thick lenses filled with tears, but not letting them fall just yet. _

_"I don't want to be your friend" Richie said, cold and hard and firm, even if his voice broke and his lips quivered. Eddie had never seen Richie like this, and he had seen Richie in some bad days. "I want to kiss you. To hold your hand. To fix your hair and hold your face and touch your cheeks and hug you close and admit for once that I love you. Even if it makes you hate me. Even if you will never look at me again."_

_Eddie didn't know what to say. _

_Because he never though he would hear those words coming from anyone else but his mother towards him. Because he thought love meant pain and annoyance and lies and overprotection, and Richie was none of those things. Richie was fun and happiness and secrets whispered in the dark and hammock cuddles while reading comic books and jokes about fucking moms and bright eyes under thick lenses and true, honest friendship. _

_Eddie didn't say anything. _

_Because what Richie said had meaning. Because it carried a heavy weight that Eddie never knew he would have to carry. Because it meant danger and hatred and infection and disgust and everything Eddie had always learned to stay away from. Because Richie was admitting to have lied over and over again to him because of his own words, his own sayings, his own voices, and he wondered how many times his useless commentary and his over fixation on being clean and healthy had hurt Richie deeply, carved through his heart, infected his thoughts. _

_Eddie saw nothing but hate and disgust in Richie's eyes, and the worst part was that it was all targeted at himself. Because that was what Eddie thought of people like him. And that was how he saw himself. As wrong, infected, bad, disgusting. _

_And Eddie? Eddie couldn’t take back what he spent thirteen years learning and relearning and saying and dictating. _

_He knew it had been too long when Richie let out a broken chuckle, and a tear fell down his eye, and Eddie wanted to say something. He never, never wanted to see Richie this sad again. He never wanted to think about Richie hating himself like he was at that moment. Because Richie was light in the darkness, he was the sun through the storm, the laugh in the sadness, his last drop of hope that everything would be okay forever. But it wasn't. Because Eddie let that candle blow off and now, he was ten thousand miles away from Richie, leaving him alone in the empty darkness. _

_"I knew it" Richie whispered, and it was like a knife slid its way painfully inside Eddie's guts. "Forget I ever said anything."_

_He stood up, wiping his eyes, and left without a word. And Eddie watched, in silence and surprise, with his chest aching and his stomach turning and his head completely disoriented. _

_He didn't know he would forget. At that moment, he didn't know he was going to arrive home and his mother would have all their stuff packed to move out. He didn't know that he would be the next to leave Richie alone in Derry, just like the others had done with them, with no choice but to shut up and hope that he would see him again. He didn't know that as soon as he stepped out of Derry, with his mother next to him and all his stuff in the car, he would forget everything that had ever happened to him, to his friends, to his family. He didn't know he would forget about the laughs with Bill and teasing Stan and reading with Ben and hugging Bev and playing cards with Mike. He didn't know he would forget how Richie made him feel, how he made him laugh, how there was something warm inside him every time they touched that he brushed off as friendship but that was more, was always something more. _

_If he knew, he would have run after Richie, held his hand and apologized forever. He would have kissed him, out of complete madness, and asked him to never forget. He would have hugged him and sobbed and admitted that maybe Richie wasn't the only one that wasn't right. _

_But he didn't know. And after that, Richie was nothing more than thick glasses and stupid jokes in dreams he would have during the rest of his life. _

\-------------------------------------

For twenty seven years, he forgot.

For twenty seven years, it was like he never even had a childhood.

For twenty seven years, he tricked himself into believing that everything was fine.

For twenty seven years... and then he called.

Coming back to Derry brought memories. Some of which he wished he didn't remember. It was all still fuzzy in his mind, the clown, the broken arm, the leper, the friendship, the club house, the quarry... it was all slowly finding their way back into his memories.

Eddie had grown out of it, and into it again, because now that he remembered he realized that his marriage was a lie. That he had forgotten what true love was once again. And it was with Bev's laugh and Bill's stuttering and Mike's obsession and Ben's kindness that he remembered, what it really was like, to love someone truly and unconditionally.

And then, there was Richie.

Richie, who hadn't grown up even a little bit.

Who told stupid mom jokes, who laughed at everything, who wore thick glasses, who made Eddie feel annoyed and relieved at the same time. Richie, who had always been his number one. Richie, with whom he had such a connection that he realized he spent years watching his comedy shows without noticing that hey, that's my best friend from middle school!

Richie, who still held those same funny eyes that hid so much underneath.

They all talked like they had only seen each other yesterday. They found out about Stanley's death and everything became somber, sad and strange. Mike told them the reason why he called, and the mood went downhill. Somehow they convinced themselves of staying, went around to find their sacrifices, Bowers showed up, and it was a mess from there on out.

But something was still bothering Eddie. As if there was something he should know, something he should do, that he couldn't remember. No matter how much he tried, how many places they visited, something didn't add up. Something was missing. And he didn't know what it was, but they didn't have time to hang around. They had to go and kill the fucking clown and get it over with.

It wasn't until they were about to decent further into the sewers, when he said he couldn't do it, that Richie approached him with those knowing eyes and said it.

"You are braver than you think."

_"I love you."_

It was a flash. A sudden light, and it was gone. He didn't have time to think it over, to address it, to ask about it. They went down, looking for IT, performing a ritual, running away from the spider clown, and then, to save Mike, Richie got caught in the dead lights.

It was a gut reaction. 'It kills monsters, if you believe it does'. He believed. He believed. Because there was no way in hell he would let Richie get consumed by that fucking thing. Not now. Not ever.

The spear went right through Pennywise's mouth, and it fell back. Eddie ran to Richie as he fell from his grasp, but his eyes weren't turning back to normal. He was still caught in the lights, he was still gone, and Eddie could feel the despair settling in as he shook Richie the best he could.

He needed him back. He was never strong without Richie. He couldn't be strong without him, he needed him, he had to get him back.

Pennywise wasn't dead. Of course it wasn't. But as it attacked, aiming for Eddie, the others were quick enough to distract it, leaving Eddie to carry Richie's body away from the fight, into a cavern nearby, where the losers all came one by one to check on him. Richie wasn't waking up. His breathing was shallow, and his heartbeats were slow, almost stopping. Eddie had never been so scared in his entire life. And no matter how many times the losers asked him to come, to fight Pennywise and get it over with, he couldn't. He couldn't leave Richie behind.

"Rich please" he sobbed, holding him tight, pressing his head against his hair and holding his jacket like his life depended on it. "Richie I need you..."

\----------------------------------

_"Richie?"_

_"..."_

_"Richie?"_

_"... what?"_

_"Are you awake?"_

_Richie groaned softly and turned on the mattress, pushing his hair back and reaching for his glasses. He pulled them on, rubbing the sleep off his eyes and looking at him. _

_"I am now Eddie" he complained. "What's up?"_

_"I..." Eddie pressed his lips together, furrowed his eyebrows and hugged his teddy bear tighter against his chest. "I had a bad dream..."_

_"Another one?" Richie asked, sounding concerned, and moved closer to Eddie, both lucky that their mattresses were next to each other. "What happened this time?"_

_"I don't know, I don't remember..." he sniffled, moving closer to Richie. "I'm scared."_

_"You don't have to be scared" Richie said, pulling him for a hug and making Eddie instantly relax. "I'm here for you. I'll protect you from bad dreams."_

_"Promise?" Eddie asked, his voice weak and sleepy and scared. "Promise you'll always be there to protect me from bad dreams?"_

_"Always Eddie" Richie nodded, smiling down at him. "Always."_

_\--------------------------_

"You promised" Eddie whispered, holding Richie's face against his own hands. "You promised Tozier... you fucking promised..."

"Eddie, please, we have to get out of here!" Mike called out, looking at the entrance of the cavern. Pennywise was destroying it down to get to them. "let's defeat it and Richie will wake up! Please Eddie!"

"Fuck" Eddie mumbled and looked down at Richie, pressing their foreheads together. "I... I will be back" he whispered, before gathering up courage. He could die. Richie could die. They could all die. So he leaned in, brushing their lips together in a tender kiss, and sighed weakly. "I love you..."

He was going to pull back. He told himself that. He promised to the others that he would. But he heard a gasp beneath him and a hand grip his shirt and when he looked down, there he was. Richie. With his brown eyes warm and alive again. His breathing quick and a bit desperate, his heartbeat quick and intense... he was there. Right there. Eddie felt like throwing up and passing out at the same time.

Richie.

"Eddie..." he whispered, eyes widening, and Eddie looked back at him, letting out a loud and wet chuckle, holding him close and squeezing him.

"You're alive! You motherfucker" he whimpered, holding him tight, as tight as he could. He was never letting go. He was never going to let Richie move an inch without him. The losers were still calling them, Pennywise was still destroying everything around them, but he didn't care.

"Eddie... what's happening..." he asked, weakly, because of the god damned lights, but Eddie shook his head and looked deep into Richie's eyes.

"All you have to know right is that I love you, and we have to follow the others" he said, pulling Richie to his feet and smiling at his dumbfounded face. "Come on!"

They ran off right after Bill, into the cave and back to the first room. They tried to reach the entrance but couldn’t, and then Eddie remembered when he had his hands around the leper's neck. How small he looked. How weak. And he stepped forward, with Richie's hand on his, and looked up at that giant monster.

"You're a fucking joke!"

None of the others seemed to know what he was doing, but Pennywise, oh it felt it. It stepped back, growling as if it had been hit, and Eddie gave another step forward.

"You're nothing! I had my hands on your throat, I had your life on my hands! You mean nothing! You are nothing! You're nothing but a fucking clown!"

It growled again, and slammed its claw close to them, but he wasn't scared. And the losers, they seemed to catch on to what he was doing. They started helping him, calling Pennywise a clown, an impostor, a fake, and the monster that seemed to big and threatening started to sink down in size, in certainty, becoming small and weak and insecure, like the losers once were.

"You're a clown" Mike said, his voice calm now, unlike any of the times he had spoken on those two days. And he reached out, grabbing Pennywise's heart on his hand, and bringing it back so they all could place their hands on top and squeeze it, destroy it, watching it become some weird goo that floated off into the air. The lights disappeared into nothing, and Pennywise's body disintegrated.

They were safe, for once.

And then, they weren't.

The walls started to tremble and they all ran to the exit. The sewers were falling apart and somehow they managed to go back to the Neilbolt house. From there to the outside world were a few more steps and the house collapsed behind them, leaving nothing but a trail of ashes, wood and dirt behind.

They did it. IT was gone. And they... they were alive.

The group headed off to the quarry with barely any words spoken. Bev was the first to jump in, as she always was, and they followed behind her, sinking into the dirty water and then swimming to a shallow part of the lake. Only then, when they were all clean and resting, that they started to talk again.

"This water is so gross" Eddie mumbled, washing off the sewer dirt into the quarry dirt of the water. They all laughed around him, or most of them did, because Richie was staring at him with lost eyes, almost like he wasn't believing what he was seeing. It was time then.

Eddie walked to Richie, sitting next to him while he cleaned off his glasses. Bill and Mike were talking, or better yet, staring into the nothing, while Bev and Ben were making up for the lost time.

They all needed some silence, but Eddie needed answers before he could allow himself to be calm.

"I told you you were brave" Richie said, first, and lifted his head to give him a smile. He then pushed his glasses over his eyes again, and Eddie nodded, looking down at the water.

"I guess I never thought I had it in me" he admitted, and then sighed, because fuck. He had thrown a spear into a monster clown's face. "But yes. I guess I am brave."

"You are braver than I am. That's for sure" Richie mumbled, and when Eddie looked at him again, he had those same eyes from years before. He was staring into the distance, the air was cold around them, and this time they were wet, but the feeling was the same. And Richie was quiet, serious, sober, and Eddie still hated it.

But he had learned a lot, in twenty seven years. And most important, he had learned a lot by defeating that clown. It was his turn, to be brave.

"I love you too."

Richie froze up in place, and his head turned slowly to look at Eddie. His eyes were wide and he seemed to be completely dazed by those words.

"What?"

"I said, I love you too" Eddie repeated, giving him a small smile. "Twenty seven years too late, but the feeling is still true. I love you. I always have. And I always will."

The happiness, the hope, the light that shone through Richie's eyes were more than enough answers. He let out a bubbly laugh, his cheeks turned bright pink, and Eddie swore he had never seen anyone so beautiful in his entire life. Richie was wet and tired and disgusting from sewer and quarry water, and still Eddie couldn't find anyone as beautiful and amazing as him.

And when he did nothing, Eddie took into his hands to lean in and kiss him, like there was no tomorrow. Cheers erupted from around them, probably from their friends, but his eyes were closed and his ears were ringing and all he could think about was the sweetness of finally, finally kissing someone he loved. And someone who truly loved him back.

Because he thought love meant pain and annoyance and lies and overprotection, and Richie was none of those things. Richie was fun and happiness and secrets whispered in the dark and hammock cuddles while reading comic books and jokes about fucking moms and bright eyes under thick lenses. Richie was spending twenty seven years feeling like part of his life was incomplete, trying to find that piece in a woman that was exactly like his mother, or in a job that didn't fulfill him, or in money that could buy him everything but what he really wanted the most. Richie was visiting Derry and not remembering Bowers or Pennywise or being sick or dirty water or placebos or lepers or anything bad and disgusting, but remembering warm afternoons in the quarry and the smell of cut grass in the morning and trying to call his attention because he was teasing Stan or laughing with Bill or chatting with Bev and he wanted his attention on him, always. Richie was crying after getting hurt, super hero band-aids over scratches his mother couldn't see, sharing comic books in secret, feeling his heart beat louder whenever a joke would come out of his mouth.

Richie was wanting to kiss him, hold his hand, brush his hair, touch his face, go on dates, shut up his mother for telling him that it was wrong and he should be ashamed of it. That he shouldn't even think about it.

Richie was everything. Everything to him. And he let him go twenty seven years back, but he wouldn't let him go now.

No, not with his lips against his, not with his hands on his waist, not with their bodies pressed together into the water.

No, that was forever.

Because Richie was love. True love.

And he would never let true love escape.

**Author's Note:**

> ugh i took so long to write this but i loved it and I hope you guys like it too


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